the bar application is one trifling sonuva run on sentence
I'm convinced that the bar exam itself couldn't be more difficult than filling out the character and fitness portion of the bar application because if it is, I am about to STRAIGHT FREAK AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY. For the past week though it seems like an eternity plus forever I have spent countless, precious hours of my life filling in responses to THE APPLICATION OF DEATH. OMG, IT HAS BEEN EXCRUCIATINGLY ANNOYING AN ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE EXPERIENCE MUCH AKIN TO LISTENING TO CATS BEING TORTURED WHILE GETTING A ROOT CANAL WITHOUT THE INFLUENCE OF HALLUCENOGENIC DRUGS, A PILLOW, OR A GUN. "They" meaning this mysterious council known as the National Committee on Bar Examiners seriously want to know EVERY SINGLE TEENY TINY MICROSCOPIC WE'RE TALKING PROTON/NEUTRON/ELECTRON LEVEL OF DETAIL of your life before they let you sit for the bar, including every place that you have ever lived PERMANENT AND TEMPORARY for the past ten years or in my case, since the grand ole age of 18 which might I add is PRIMA FACIE discriminatory for the commitment phobic travelers comme moi who have moved 15 times and during said 15 times was more interested in HAVING A LIFE than remembering the EXACT LOCATION of each abode. I have trouble remembering what I had for dinner last night. So I can't possibly remember my freshman dorm room number and had to call Georgetown Housing to track that trivial information down. And isn't it enough that I remember that I lived in Harbin Hall?! And yesterday, I had to call this no name hotel in Greece located on the remote island of Rhodes to ask a thoroughly confused albeit very sweet Greek man with terrible English skills that I need to know the precise room number where I stayed two summers ago. MIND-NUMBINGLY PAINFUL.Oh, and there's more. GROAN. "They" of Charlie's Angels anonymity want to know EVERY SINGLE JOB, WHETHER LAW RELATED OR NOT, WHETHER PAID OR NOT THAT I HAVE EVER HAD THE GOOD FORTUNE TO TRAVAIL including not only all the pertinent information like names of associates and supervisors but also what is their favorite color, drink of choice, and whether they wear boxers or briefs.
And shoot me now, there's UGH MORE. "They" of covert, CIA ops level not like Valerie Plame but more like secret wire tapping infamy also has a personal and professional references section of which I must submit at least six lucky friends who can basically attest that I AM NOT INSANE AND DO NOT ACT UPON CANNIBALISTIC TENDENCIES. With respect to these anointed NON-RELATED persons either by blood or marriage folks, I must provide the names (including superhero aliases) and address of one from every locality in which I have lived during the last ten years, and PREFERABLY who have known me AT LEAST FIVE YEARS. CAN YOU BELIEVE THE NERVE OF THIS APPLICATION? So now I have to run through a list of people whose paths have crossed with mine AT LEAST FIVE YEARS AGO during this great WONDROUS journey of life and track them down for their essential info, including preference for cotton, lace, or spandex underwear see aforementioned undergarment categories. Speaking of tracking friends down, PGlatty you better be having the TIME OF YOUR FREAKING LIFE in Malaysia because not only did I have to wait THREE DAYS OF PURE SADISTIC AGONY for your response but also we are missing the YuckyTucky Derby and you just know how BADLY I wanted to go. I HATE YOU. OK, HATE may be TOO HARSH, but you have certainly been downgraded off my favorite persons list, that is of course until you make it up to me next year by taking me to the infield where we party with our mutual friend Ms. sweet sweet abandon.
AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE SECTION THAT MANDATES DISCLOSING EVERY SINGLE TRAFFIC VIOLATION SINCE I WAS ABLE TO WALK. BTW, if you ever get a ticket in Fairfax County, know that Virginia State statute prohibits releasing records both civil and criminal without court subpoena.
OK. SO I'M FINISHED. But I can't get rid of this irritating feeling that I have forgotten to include something...I mean WHAT ELSE COULD THEY POSSIBLY NEED? MY BLOOD? HOW ABOUT A POUND OF FLESH?
posted by Asian Provocateur @ 10:35 AM
Emotional Outbursts: 1
